Let's talk about (bad) sex, baby

Last year, I did some sex with a boy. After he had rolled off me, I went to the bathroom and folded down the toilet seat and sat down. And I laughed. I laughed my ass off.

It was so lazy, like masturbating with me instead of his hand, that I was confident he would apologise or give me an excuse. Later that day, I received a message on WhatsApp telling me what an amazing physical connection we had. We stopped seeing each other not long after. Maybe it was also because he's a 29-year-old gravedigger who lives with his mum. Maybe we'll never know the real reason...

I don't know if I've had a lot of sex (whatever that means) but of the sex I have had, a lot of it has been bad. AND DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO WORK IT OUT? Too long. I was 26.

From the day I lost my virginity (to a guy obsessed with Asian women), it's been an adventure. One where I've been involved in a recreation of a certain Sex and the City scene, to having to threaten to throw someone out of my flat if they mention anal sex one more fucking time...what a thrill!

It was this time last year, I started to wonder what the fuck was going on.

My boyfriend once got up and went home whilst he was in the middle of sex with someone because he wasn't getting anything back. His partner wasn't engaging with him and he decided it wasn't fun (and made him feel a bit gross because you want to feel like you have enthusiastic consent from someone). More women should be doing this.

Women enjoying sex is still a punchline in some ways, as if we're just there hoping to be spooned at the end. If you find yourself in a relationship where you're the one with the higher sex drive, it can be very confusing to be sexually rejected since we're trained to believe men have an inexhaustible appetite and we're there for decoration.

Of course, getting up and leaving during sex is a whole different ball game for women due to the fact that, y'know, women keep being murdered for saying 'no' to people but I'll save my stories about sexual assault for another post. Let's put a pin in that for now.

We need to start educating these fuckbois, ladies. Sometimes they're camouflaged and only identified when they can't believe your pubic hair isn't totally shaved.  Train them. Tell them that doesn't feel good, guide their hand. If they don't accept help,  delete their number.

Be with a guy who says, "I don't understand why they're all finding it so hard!" Be with the guy who can't wait to go down on you and leaves your pubic hair decisions up to you. Be with a guy who doesn't make you laugh to yourself in the bathroom.